Hello gentle readers. This may be a lengthy post so I do apologize. This will be a final post for me.
For the last 5 years, I have poured a large portion of my life, energy & time into SecondLife. This is my story.
When I started SL all those years ago, I was lacking a sense of purpose or structure in my life. I felt like I was always blowing in the wind, trying to hold onto something to anchor me. In short, I wanted stability & SL gave me that. I knew when I logged in who I was, what I was doing & I was setting goals around that. I would spend hours upon hours logged in. I would forget to eat, would barely sleep & cut off most of my human contact. I fell into a hole that I just couldn’t seem to climb out of. It look me nearly 3 and a half years to cut back on my extreme use of SL. I know now that is was my way of escaping from the Real World; my safety net, my defense mechanism. I was safe from all the hurt, the pain, the frustration. Yet even in this sense of safety, there was no peace, no real feeling or emotion it provided me that would help me grow, mature. It would be the people I met within this Virtual World that would be the key to my lock.
I have had many friends come & go in SL. You meet somebody, you friend them. It takes a great deal of time to actually forge a real relationship with people though. It’s not as easy and hitting the ‘add friend button’. For me there has only been one person that I can honestly say is my heart and has guided me to becoming a better person than I was yesterday; Kristy. Without you, I wouldn’t be where I am today. You’re truly my best friend, my angel.
I am getting married in October, on Halloween. While I have been doing small bits of planning, it suddenly hit me that, what I was without for so long, I had found. I found the peace, the safety, the love I needed; my anchor. I have never been happier. Everything that I once needed from SL, was now filled. I have had RL relationships while still being heavily into SL, but this time, this love has been so different for me. For the first time, I am honestly happy. Our love is easy, effortless and carefree. I can trust him, knowing he would never hurt me int he ways I have been so deeply hurt before. I didn’t need to login to feel like I was accomplishing something anymore. I would take two week breaks from SL forgetting to sign in & when I did, it was to grab a blogger pack to store for later blogging. Years ago, that would have been impossible. Now its my reality.
I think of it as an arcade game that you love & can’t wait to play. You save up your coins in a bag, as many as you can, so that you can play it over & over again. Yet when you reach into the bag for another round, its empty and you fold the bag back up, put it into your pocket and leave. I had already folded the bag & put it into my pocket, I just hadn’t realized it was time to leave. My time is up in this Virtual World; as I shut off the lights and reach for the door I feel, not a sense of defeat, but a sense of peace. I can look back on my times here & smile without feeling sad. Closing the door on this part of my life is not my end, but my beginning. My story has only just begun. Goodbye my friends.
“We’re born naked & the rest is drag”-RuPaul